en france

I'm in France. Getting used to an English keyboard (only slightly different than a Danish but my own insufficiency never fails to frustrate me). More exactly I'm in Villefranche-sur-Mer just east of Nice (southwestern coast of France - the Riviera). Its absolutely stunning here. The old part of the city is breath taking, and seeing 'for sale' signs outside the most charming apartments is driving me mad. I want to move here, but my choice of studying theology (low pay) has pretty much killed those dreams. Actually it hasn't killed the dreams as much as the prospects.

The other night we went drinking. Got unusually drunk by the harbor with the owner, staff and friends of a bar we stumbled into that evening. I've never had a hang over like that one / spent one full day sleeping, drinking water and eating salts and sugars to try and re-hydrate. -unsuccessfully so, cos I had a headache until next (this) morning.

I'm here with my family except my older sister and her hubbie (she likes to call him that). My mom is absolutely taken with the riviera stretch. My dad, usually the great saver, is being unusually large about gas, living and holidaying expenses. I've gone on my usual spending spree (bought an expensive jacket in Monaco) and my younger sister (steph) is craving for shopping. My parents and her went to Nice yesterday, so she must've gotten it settled.

This place is beautiful. Full of good people (this is the foreigners' hangout) and I wanna get a job here. I should probably wait with such plans until I've got my bachelor (2 years) but I wanna do it now! -dang! Maybe I should come here for a summer. Dunno.. I had a good talk with the new owner (Chris - English fella) and I reckon I could land a job here. But no, better not think about it.

I should go now. Left my brother at a table. Plenty of pix coming up on my myspace profile in a week's time or so.

review of blog-entries (procrastination)

Blogging's great for someone in their teens through to their twenties. -not that it isn't for older and younger too, but it definitely is for someone my age. I just re-read a heap of my old entries from '04 when I was in high school and its a great catalyst to get the memories going.

I was at an entirely different place then in all aspects of life: faith, relations, family. (no, not economically.. sigh) So kids out there: get a blog and start writing!

I've got exams coming up - hard ones too: oral greek, oral philosophy and an assignment in new testament. So naturally, I can't pull myself away from my computer here at home. Oh, to those who haven't found out, I've started putting my songs up on myspace! Please do comment 'cos its really hard to be objective about one's own songs. Link is:
www.myspace.com/ivansaaby

Okay okay, I'll go study now. Maybe breakfast first but then study! Tonight I'm hanging out with some of the guys from college who're great. One of them got married Saturday so we're going to his new place to hang out and watch Champions' League.

..this is just ramble, yes. I haven't written here for so long that I've lost the mojo. I'll start again now, tho.

religious pluralism

I don't know what to make of religious pluralism. Really, I debate this often with myself and deliberatly shy away when the subject is raised by self-proclaimed non-religious people, who ask if I don't think 'we all are looking at different doors to the same room.'

But tonight I watched a show by an outstandingly sharp and witty, Danish journalist, Clemen Kjærsgaard, with Desmond Tutu, nobel peace-prize winner and archbishop (I think?) of South Africa. Initially I was alarmed when he employed the elephant-metaphor (blind men touching an elephant, one saying that an elephant is comparable to a snake because he is holding the tail, the other saying that the elephant is rather like a tree because he is touching a leg) and my inner alarmbells were screaming 'pluralism'.

I don't know if it is me or the emphasis of my childhood church, but I've grown up thinking in terms of right and wrong decisions, thoughts and yes, faiths, that Moslems don't have the right faith, Jews have some of the right faith but aren't redeemed because they are missing the new covenant (Jesus) and Buddhists don't even have a faith but some truth-wise inconsequential philosophy. It's 'us and them' and it's about getting 'them' onto 'our' side.

So here's Desmond Tutu blowing my socks off saying that God is more interested in people willingly going to hell than being forced into heaven! But I think he has a point when he says Truth in plural.

If God is good and good is God (which I do believe), then people are learning about God when they are learning good. Also with love. There is no religion who can contain all the Truth about God and so I should be able to accept the truths in Islam and Buddhism without it being subvertive to my faith about God revealed through Jesus. God is revealed in all things good.

This is pretty controversial to many and the implications of this thinking can be massive. So what's your take on this?

recording sessions

I recorded my first song tonight. I'm in Copenhagen staying at a childhood friend of mine and some guys from his band, campsite, and one of them's got some recording equipment. It wasn't the best of my songs (due to technical problems) but then I can't complain. When its done (and I'm happy) I'll put it up on myspace - just to have something out. Please, if you can and feel like it, feedback on it. [smile]

We should get around to recording some other ones. I think I'm gonna start doing more about my music - just to try it out and see how far it'll go!

haughty solution - another of life's great problems

When I started studying theology at the university many warned me that it was going to be a great challenge for my personal faith in God as the Creator and Lord of all, Jesus as the Son of God and the Messiah and the Holy Spirit as God's Spirit, relevant to us in the spiritual and physical world.

But I do not see that it should be a challenge. The entire university has as it's aim to be strictly scientific in it's approach and as such there is a basic difference between the "knowledge of God" ["theology"] and actually knowing God. In my world there should be a constant, underlying rule that seperates fact and faith, as 'faith' per definition is a non-factual sphere of life and science is per se void of faith as it builds on scepticism; faith and scepticisme being opposites.

With this in mind it does not give me sleepless nights when I learn that for example modern science is quite certain that the city of Jericho (that Joshua and the rest of Israel marched around for seven days whereupon the walls collapsed) had not existed even close to the time when the Israelites allegedly were coming out of the desert, that a vast part of the Old Testament was probably written or at least radically edited under the exile in Babylon in the 6th century BC or that evolution seems more probable than creation. Is this supposed to rock my faith in God? No, because my faith in God does not rest upon how factual the Old or New Testament is or any such thing, for this would not be 'faith' but rather pseudo-science.

I believe that the proof of the saving and transforming power of Christ, the still mercy and grace of God and the furious violence of the same is personal. It must be not just be experienced, but known in the core of our being and consciousness; an area where fact, probabilities and scientific method lose relevance, for this is where only we individually and God can go.

broken

I've spent my early youth trying to mend my brokenness or at least evade it, to abate sinful acts. Now I am spending my late youth coming to terms with it. In preparation for dedication, commitment - yes, love in all aspects of my life - in spite of my brokenness.

Writing those two sentences is hard for me, for it represents my abandoning of youthful optimism in favour of tired realization of my own fall, my own commonness.
"But I've seen your flag on the marble arch and love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah."

In this lieu, life consists of brokenness and distractions from it.

Speak to me of brokenness and speak to me of the Ressurection. For I see now, that victory will not come from myself; only through an external force making me whole, but I haven't yet come this far in the process.

our responsibility

Contrary to logic about any absolute, I find that people calculate the possiblitiy of faith being possible and valid as a lifestyle on the evidence of people around them who impersonate faith. Problem is that they seem to think that faith should be impersonated by anyone who professes to believe. And so personal failures by the professing believers have not only consequence to themselves but to these calculating spectators who seek confirmation that a lifestyle of faith is not possible or plausible, seeking it to confirm themselves that their own egocentric lifestyles are indeed 'good'.
Confirms Matt 5:13: "You are the salt of the earth but if the salt loses it power.."
I don't like it. Don't like the responsiblity.

on this

Truth is not subjective. And with truth, ethics and moral. It follows that we must not blame any lack of truth and ethics on our part on our circumstances with the excuse that we are products of our influences. We must not reduce ourselves to fortuitious links in the chain of cause and effect, indulging in the emotional pleasure of self-justification; no matter the greatness of spirit this may require of us.

Rather we must find ourselves on our knees in humble awareness of the fallenness of mankind and with this, the fallenness of our collective and individual world.

I was young and something that was mine had been stolen by force and so I went to my dad, the protector of my cosmos, sobbing with fury and indignation and explained to him the violation to which I had fallen victim. It was and still is unfair when all he said was, "Ivan, you need to be broken." But years later it taught me a lesson, that unfairness is to be expected; that being adamant about my rights is not the Way.

So I must lay down my rights and instil my heart on love for my fellow people and hope for the continual victory of what still is Timeless and True Good.

For I am part of a story, a tale that was before me and that will be long after my passing. I must not look to the short-term but rather look to steer with all I can the world onto the course of this Timeless and True Good. Partly and simply, in honour and reverence of those who've gone before, in remembrance us who are now and in love for those yet to come.

a thought of africa

Hearing the list of the names of the dead,
hearing without understanding
the number of the score of victims
robbed of their rightful peace
their freedom
must in no way diminish
our love for each and every
of their beautiful souls.

Neither must we let
our own souls be killed.

Must we not spend our freedom
that they may have theirs.

fiction

Thank you, Mark Stewart and ecthros for your encouraging words in the comments to my previous entry of self-annihilation.. In afterthought, I do guess one learns one's entire life (at least that's what I hear..) and this justifies opinion-making even at my early stage of learning.

Also, I realise that I probably cannot do without writing here as this space gives me opportunity to formulate thoughts that would otherwise just be absurd fragments in my mind when never forced into a (more or less) systematic exposition.

Another effect of formulating thoughts (especially when dealing with frustrations) is that I force myself to rationally face the facts of the reasons for my emotional outbursts. Its in this situation I often realise that I am not entirely justified in feeling as strongly as I do. Even though I try to advocate the idea of importance of validating the reasons that bring about strong feelings even though seemingly trivial as opposed to an overly 'humble' attitude of always thinking oneself is in the wrong and not wanting or daring to trouble others with one's own "probably insignificant" feelings.

Sooo, after having justified my online existence.. I had a small realisation and although its imbecile, really, I'll write it.

I used to read quite alot until the end of high school / college (pre-uni...) where I got so fed up with books. I've started reading some again (fiction, I mean) and I find myself getting so 'into' the story that I relate to and compare myself with the characters in which case I always find myself lacking their quick wit and ability to say all the significant things in everyday phrases. I've been thinking like this alot and found that I've had a tendency to 'choose' my friends accordingly - those who understand that 'layer of subtleties' are the ones I usually get along with (among other things as well, of course).

Until it struck me recently how moronic this way of thinking is that only causes me to regard 99.9% of the people around me negatively. Why isolate myself?! I simply realised that the author of the books (ie. the creator of the characters) had probably spent a long time formulating those lines compared to how long I have to mull over everything I say before I say it. Its like only ever reading poetry and therefore isolating oneself to only relating properly to people who can formulate themselves like Robert Frost in an sms while driving their car!

So now I'm having to re-learn some basic principles when relating to... people.

talk less, learn more!

Doubting that anyone has been enduring enough to check and re-check my blog, and that therefore no one will read this, I write this anyway: my explanation (bordering on an apology) (first and foremostly to myself, I think).

As my theology courses at the University of Aarhus continue, I realise the futility of many of my words. Its been said that knowledge only proceeds more questions, ie. greater awareness of the doors yet unopened.

What I'm saying is that, in order to save myself embarrasement to myself later, I will try to talk less and learn more. [smile]

a theologian's job_description

It thrills the heart of a theology student to read this weekend's edition of probably to most intellectual and socially analytical Danish newspaper, Weekendavisen [directly translated: the weekend-newspaper], as three of the major articles are about the renaissance of religion in European society and politics. The basis for two of the three articles is the well-known issue of the large and increasing immigration of Muslims to Europe and the resulting cultural change of such a large minority, while the point of reference of the third article is the much debated speech of the Pope in his former university of Regensburg. The common ground then of the three articles is the clash of cultures, European and Muslim.

The articles all express the growing need for western societies to be aware of their identity, but this is a grave problem as the cultural key-word in the European mind is individualism. No longer do we define ourselves in terms of our context, family, city, country and religion, but rather we define ourselves solely as ourselves. A rather symptomatic example of this is the story of Sheila, who said she believed in the supernatural but wouldn't confine herself to one religion and instead just declared that she believed in 'Sheilanism.' Or when one of the Danish ministers was interviewed a couple of years ago saying, "The trouble with society nowadays is that as soon as you give people another privilege, you cannot take it away again. People instantly claim it as a right." We are no longer commited to the welfare of our group but we have become egocentric and primarily eager to fend for our own individual welfare.

This is largely, if not entirely, due to the secularisation of the average Joe. For years it has been commonly regarded as a personal weakness, a breach of character, to confess oneself believing in anything supernatural. "We were taught that religion was but an embarrassing left-over from the infancy of humanity that would disappear as we grew more modern, free and enlightened. But we had to think again: the public sphere is now so pervaded with religion that [atheistic philosophers] are talking of a "post-secular society."

Yes, times are changing, the pendulum swinging back, and as Weekendavisen puts it,
"secularisation has proved morally bankrupt: ... while the bloddy, confessionally charged Thirty Years War from 1618-1648 made Europeans see the wisdom in seperating the church and the state, so the ungodly 20th century, the epoch of fascism and communism, has made us painfully aware of the danger in completely expelling religion from politics: the result was totalitarian, political substitutions for religion and a fatal elevation to godliness of the undiluted power of a state that is not accountable to anyone but itself."

The point is that people cannot define or understand themselves without absolutes. And tieing up the boat again, that is part of the job-description of a theologian in a "post-secular" age.

See Weekendavisen.dk articles, "Det famlende Europa", "Klokkerne ringer" and "Kristenheden eller Europa". All in Danish, of course.

zeitgeist

In Danish we have a wonderful word, "ildsjæl." Its actually two words as you can in Danish almost freely combine words to fit your meaning. As said, two words combined: "ild" and "sjæl." The first means 'fire' and the second, 'soul.' So, 'fire-soul.'

This stated to drive the point that I am not one of these. (Oh yes, 'fire-soul' is used descriptively for persons.) I realised tonight that I do not really have a passion - for anything. Well, this is slightly exaggerated; my girlfriend has the ability to create a storm and so does my family, but nothing else really.

I wish I was passionate beyond belief about something. Music, the Trinity, swimming, reading, knowing, seeing or 'just' an avid fan of a football team! But all of these are merely in category with so many other things that I enjoy placidly when the mood catches me. I am not obsessed. I am not compelled by.. what? mood? recognition? proving myself to myself? self-discipline? love? need?

No, what I am compelled by is 'ought'. I feel very deeply that I ought to 'realise myself' and fulfill my potential. I need to do this for myself or I'll look back in 60 years and regret not driving myself to the max. But where does this feeling originate from?

I am not under the impression that anyone living a century ago would have thought these things. None of the old litterature implies one having to stretch one's arms as far as they could go so one could actually know how far one's arms could go. It'd take up too much space and be a waste of effort. In contrast, I've been exhorted all my life to constantly and diligently exercise the joints in my upper body with the explicit purpose to give myself maximum arm span. I probably won't ever span as far as John Mayer, Bruce Cockburn or even Gavin Degraw, but "its okay, I did my best."

Not okay.

Living my life to try to run as hard and far as I can in just any direction won't do. Like the rest of humanity throughout all centuries, I need direction first and foremost. After that, I'll do what I can to go somewhere and get something done.

Running for the sake of running is not a timeless Truth. Its a current fashion that's only been regarded as 'the way to go' for less than 1% of the time man has been civilised. That's not exactly standing the test of time.

So I don't wan't to believe I am at the center of the universe. I'm to bloody insignificant. -and yes, that's a very, very good thing.

To Montreal

My deepest, deepest condolences to Montreal and the rest of Canada! As I read the articles I cannot but imagine the scene against the backdrop of my university. May you numerous victims and the families of the two deceased find peace again.

I join my voice to the choir of prayer and thoughts that sounds around the world for you.

At Uni

I have started studying Theology at the University of Aarhus - the second largest University of Denmark. In fact, I am in the auditorium now, having time to jot this down because there's a debate about the two natures of Christ (man or God?) going on which is non-essential.

Fascinating, isn't it?! Half a year ago I would have travelled to the other side of the country and paid an entrance fee to attend such a lecture (its about the church fathers, really, but this debate is drawing out because of an adamant student) but now I'm actually getting paid by the Danish government to study this!

And I mustn't fail to tell you of how beautiful the facilities are here: coffee kitcen placed very central where anyone can keep their mug and jar of instant coffee and make coffee whenever. -so right now, there's a steaming cuppa beside me. There's wi-fi everywhere of course (although they haven't given me my access code yet) and the whole building is from... its new anyway!

I like this.